JORDAN.

just didn't know what title to write down, so I'll guess it would be that.

yep, today's the last day of school for term 2. holidays! yay! time to play and relax a little bit, before getting started for studies.

chinese o' lvl is so close. in fact it's barely a few days away heh. starting to get nervous and tensed up too.

yesterday, TC, Gan and I were talking about our future girlfriend, if were to have one. TC already had his, and been going on for about six months. Gan and I were just thinking about how our girl would be like. I was kinda shocked when they said that my girl would be kind, gentle and caring. plus being patient too. that's seems what I wanted for my girl, but it's really hard to get for all the requirements for the girl.

results just aren't good. last day of school, and I see my classmates getting caned by the principal for bad results. I was just lucky not to get the whips, but I need to do my best for my studies. gotta start bucking up. oh well.

till then.

happy holidays!



I wondered why I even came to this school. more used towards a co-ed school. males and females, easier interaction between one another. we're able to know the other sex more and the trust would be easy too. being in a single-sex school, to me, just don't fit. most of them are mission schools and it's kinda hard to follow from what they are doing.

the bonds between both types of schools, are just way different. the bonds in co-ed schools are so encouraging and unforgetable. the humour, laughter, seriousness and the intense period, are those that it could brighten someone's day. in my school, it's quite hard to establish such kinds of bonds. the humor is there, but it's only temporary. the closeness between each other. oh how good can it be?

probably I'm not feeling good lately. DoLceVita chalet was over a few hours ago, and it seems like, the end of it is coming pretty soon. These kind of laughters and joy, having a common interests and sharing the same topic, I doubt there would be another chance of this again. sigh, I have to be strong and I will.

that jealousy would still be in me. too hard to remove it, or to even slowly subside it. gah I'm just being too selfish towards myself and not think of what I can do at the first place.



love makes the world go round. oh well how true can this be?

almost everyday, I would always see a friend of mine, either talking to a girl or having a common topic about girls, or telling us about his girlfriend.

each time I hear all these, I would just listen and probably suffer in silent pain.

I just feel like, I wanna be in love or to have a relationship. maybe I'm not prepared for these kind of stuffs, but I need something to make my life worthwhile, something that lets me feel that MS, isn't the only thing I can do. I admit that I'm just jealous when I see my friend with a girl or a partner they can rely on. I wonder when my turn could come. ohwell.

to me right now, to have a person that I can make sure that I'll do my best, to protect her, satisfy her needs and provide her with the best of me.

first o' lvl paper is starting in 9 days time. starting to feel tensed about my national exams and hope that I can perform well too. my mid-year results aren't that good and I was almost bound to give up as well.

my mind is always in a whirl. sometimes I think of this and sometimes I think of that. in different situations I tend to think of other stuffs too. more or less I copy people with the actions they do and how they react over certain stuffs. sigh, I should just probably go back to my 'shell' and do things when no one is looking.

it sucks to be alone, but I'm just too anti-social to even start a conversation. even it's the simplest topic about MS, it's just too hard for me to even speak up, and in the end me and my friends would just be walking along quietly. this really sucks. bah

what more could happen to me? or what weird feelings am I going to have next?



exams finally over.

results = deathsign again

seeing my results sure dampens my mood greatly. i hope it's not another ' reap what i sow ' thingy again.

recently, i went back to friendster and looked through at some of my friends' profiles. and some profiles made me think of something, something that i can't describe.

i'm starting to think that, one person is there the way he/she is. gotta be proud of ourselves for what you have done. a picture speaks a thousand words seems quite true. i looked at photos of my friends, and some of their entries as well. from as bad as going to a boys' home to as good as being ranked high in a uniformed group. i'm probably just somewhere in the middle and i guess i should be content with what i am now.

this blog is dull. oh how i wish i can perk it up. i guess.



sometimes I wish, if I could do this, or that, to make the day better.

To choose between a flashlight, a candle or a lightstick, which you would choose as your source of light? Most would probably choose the flashlight, cuz it would shine the longest. For me, I choose the candle.

Not sure why, somehow I preferred the old times. Which old times? Not sure, don't know. Good ones and bad ones, hard to really decide which's more suitable and long-lasting for me.

Right now, each person who comes to me and talk to me, I just feel that I'm blessed or being the chosen one, to have someone to talk to or have a little chat. I'm just starting to feel the loneliness in school. Being in school and at home, is just two different worlds.

Where do I belong?
Sometimes I wished I never existed, then I wouldn't have all these problems and an additional burden to those people who concerned.

A friend is just like a star; not always there, but always will be there if you'll think it will.



http://maholdblog.blogspot.com/

that's my old blog url. did it during my sec 1 - 2 years. kinda short as I didn't really sustain the interest much those days.

one week more of exams. sigh

very bad. death's approaching. looks like I won't be going for the chalet. Ohwell.



first paper in barely two hours time. and i'm unprepared. woohoo

watch me die and suffer in pain. ^_^

swear like a sailor